im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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