This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
