You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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