did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A+ Viking dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
