I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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