I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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