Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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