Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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