Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
