The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
