As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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