all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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