This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
