she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize