Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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