I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
