We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
