hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
