By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
