You can't motorboat a personality
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
