You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
