So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
