No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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