sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My room smells like vodka and shame
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
