he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
