i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
True strength comes from lack of pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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