Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
