Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bring me that man meat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
