i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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