Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
