im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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