i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
