I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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