Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
then he tried to convert me to islam
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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