Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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