There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
