Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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