Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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