I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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