Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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