that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
