wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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