So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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