I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
