Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
