Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
