so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
