i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
