You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
