Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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