I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
