very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
