it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
