did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
