Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
