The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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