the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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