can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
