First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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