Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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