i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
