i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
