Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
