yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this boner is exhausting
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
