When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
