did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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