Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
