haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
