people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
