True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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