I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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