I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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