Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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