It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
