Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
