Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
