K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
