Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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