Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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