Im at strip club and am horny
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
