So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
