Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
