at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
