Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
