Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
