You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
