can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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