I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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