i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
