I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
