I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone owes me an orgasm
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
