I puked a lego.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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