There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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